I Am Not My Mistakes

Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash

This weekend, I went on a solo date to see “You, Me, & Tuscany.” As I watched the movie, I felt an overwhelming sense of happiness. I was giggling, blushing, and filled with excitement about returning home and writing a blog post about love. However, toward the end of the film, I heard a beautiful quote from the grandmother and decided to make it the focus of my post instead.

“Mistakes don’t define us, they teach us.”
Nonna: You, Me, & Tuscany

Heart Check:

Mistakes…

I have made many mistakes throughout my life. In my adolescence, I made mistakes that are to be expected. As an adult, I have also made errors in my job, in relationships, in assessing my own capabilities, and in my judgment of others. Some were mistakes that both God and the people around me tried to warn me about, but I chose to ignore them. Others were mistakes I was completely oblivious to.

Regardless, the point remains: I have made mistakes.

For a long time, I believed I was someone who could easily let go of things. However, I eventually realized that I was burdened by the weight of my bad decisions. I often heard a condemning voice questioning my identity:

“You’re not smart enough, pretty enough, wealthy enough, strong enough, __ enough.”

I allowed these negative thoughts, rooted in the “wrong” aspects of myself, to define my identity instead of embracing what God says about me. I was evaluating myself against the world’s standards instead of God’s, which depends solely on His purpose for me rather than on comparing myself to others.

I found myself prejudging others, afraid my heart would break once again due to my naivety. Instead of extending grace, I judged people based on harsh standards. This tendency stemmed from my desire to protect myself from vulnerability. My past mistakes led me to question my own discernment. Rather than seeking God’s guidance, I operated under a false sense of discernment shaped by my trauma, personal preferences, and what I believed I was perceiving, rather than seeking the truth.

I made some inner vows: “I will never let this situation happen to me again.”

This was driven by my pride and my desire to shield myself in my own strength. As a result, I either avoided anything even remotely similar to the offending circumstance or I found myself in similar situations again, but this time with the intention of changing the narrative.

But all of these actions were rooted in fear, pride, and my past mistakes.

How Does God Feel About This?

God does not define us by our mistakes, and neither should we. Once we choose not to identify ourselves with our past negative choices, we must also decide to stop acting like our former selves. Holding onto subconscious regret prevents us from truly overcoming our challenges; instead, it keeps us trapped in a cycle. Jesus came to break this cycle and set us free—both spiritually and mentally (Luke 4:18).

God tells us that we are precious and loved. We were loved by Him even as He was forming us in our mothers’ wombs. This love remains with us as we walk the Earth and grow older. God is intentional in His care for us. He will never say that you are not smart enough, because He created your mind. He will never claim that you aren’t attractive, because He chose your features. He will not say you are not wealthy enough, because He is your provision. He will never tell you that you are not strong enough, as He wants you to rely on His strength. He will never say that you are too far gone or too sinful, because His Spirit has the power to convict you of your sins and transform you through Jesus Christ (Psalm 139, Philippians 4:19, Psalm 103:12).

God will never condemn us for wanting to love and trust others. Of course, He doesn’t want us to associate closely with individuals who consistently sin without accountability, or those who try to lead us into sin, whether in our thoughts or actions. This is a definitive “NO” from God, as engaging with such people can ultimately corrupt us and steer our desires away from His perfect will. We are encouraged to distance ourselves from these individuals and allow God to handle them (2 Corinthians 6:14, Matthew 18:15-17, 1 Corinthians 15:33).

However, we are not naive in choosing to see the best in people who genuinely have a repentant heart. A repentant heart is not a perfect heart—none of us are perfect. Love always hopes, meaning it looks at a situation through the lens of a hopeful future rather than the lens of past mistakes. This mindset allows us to forgive those who have wronged us and avoid projecting one person’s sins onto another. We no longer have to live in fear when getting to know someone new. While we may sometimes make mistakes in our choices of friends or partners, those mistakes shouldn’t define how we treat others in the future. If we adopt this perspective, we can appreciate the beauty of getting to know someone whom God can use to help us grow and improve.

And lastly, God doesn’t want us to make inner vows. The thing about inner vows is that it is tricky. Most of the time, these are based on our desires and experiences rather than what God has planned. Two things tend to happen: we avoid situations, trying to escape the past, or we re-yoke ourselves to similar (or the same) events, trying to change the past.
Inner vows never take into account what God wants to do; they only consider what we want. Instead of using our desires to define a situation, we should let the fruit of the situation define our desires. If a circumstance truly displays the characteristics of God, why avoid it out of fear? If it doesn’t, why re-enter it out of pride?

God determines how restoration will go, not us.

Final Thoughts

It’s time to let Jesus write our story and let go of our faults. The beauty of making mistakes after accepting Jesus is that we don’t have to face them alone. We have access to an all-knowing and sovereign God. This means that while He convicts us of our errors, He also wants to help us change. He doesn’t just point out what we did wrong and leave us there; He provides clarity, wisdom, and affirmation of our true identity.
Continue to remember your identity, that love covers a multitude of sins, and to allow God to guide your plans regardless of your past.

Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.

Psalm 25:5 NIV