Dear Jesus, Who Am I?

Year 2025: the year of Contentment

I thought about introducing myself, but instead, I felt compelled to share how I discovered my true identity.

“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me…

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence…

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb…

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."

Psalm 139 NIV

Honest moment: I understood my identity in Christ, but I didn’t begin to believe it until I turned 30. Ironically, it took God gradually removing every distraction from my life for me to understand that I fully belong to Him.

The thirties are a very interesting time. I just got here lol, but it is still different compared to what I thought it would be. Our twenties are the years for figuring things out. What do I need to do with my life? What is my style? Who should I marry? How do I make connections? But lately, these questions seem to extend themselves beyond the third decade of our lives.

When I turned 30, I experienced a mix of emotions. I felt excitement because people say that your thirties and forties are your best years. However, I also felt discontent because there were still aspirations I wanted to achieve. My career wasn’t where I envisioned it would be, especially after a layoff in 2023. I was still single, and I was beginning to feel lonely.

The stress of the situation began to create a rift between God and me, as my pride started to swell. I found myself questioning, “Why?” Why did I have to be laid off and face setbacks in my career for over six months? Why am I the single friend? Will I ever get married and have children?

I cried out to God, and instead of saying, “It’s okay, child; eventually, I will give you everything you want,” He said, “You need to learn to be content with just being my daughter again.”

Yikes.. not the response I wanted to hear. However, God showed me that my identity was in things that are fleeting.

Career/ Titles:

I used to take pride in my career and the various titles I held. I was seen as the “boss,” the successful businesswoman, and the girl with her own home who enjoyed a life of luxury before it became trendy. But then, it all disappeared. I lost my salary and steady finances, and I no longer had a professional title.

I was annoyed.

I wasn’t devastated, as I sensed a change was coming, but I felt that what I was experiencing was uncalled for. I felt like I had taken 10 steps forward and then 20 steps back.

However, I am still a daughter of God.

Even though I did not have an income, I was still provided for by God. Despite being unemployed, I was not useless to His Kingdom. Even without titles, I was still adored.

God is still working on my behalf because I am His child; I just needed to believe in my identity to see it.

Love:

I am a hopeful romantic. I watched romcoms, went on cute dates, and was raised in a loving two-parent household.

I believe that romantic love is possible, yet I still haven’t obtained it.

It created a separation between God and me.

Society constantly tells us that true happiness comes from being in a relationship. The Church also emphasizes the importance of marriage. As I began to listen to these voices and opinions, I found myself idolizing marriage.

How do I know it was an idol?

• An idol is anything or anyone that you love more than God.

How do you know you love it more than God?

• If he tells you to walk away from it, and you stay (Luke 6:46).
• If He tells you “no” and you get angry and begin to sin (Psalm 4:4).
• If you know the right thing to do, but you look for excuses not to do it (James 4:17).
• If that thing or person consumes your thoughts more than God Himself (Exodus 20:3)

I became frustrated with God for not providing me with a husband, and that is how I know.

However, I am still a daughter of God.

God convicted me of my behavior, but He also changed my perspective on my season of singleness. He showed me that I am never truly lonely because I have Him. He is the perfect Father who never leaves, forsakes, or changes His mind. His perception of me will always remain the same.

He reminded me that I am “free from concern” (1 Corinthians 7:32) and that this time is precious, as it is the most uninterrupted time I will have with Him. He taught me not to run from it, but instead to cherish it.

Yes, marriage is still beautiful, but how you approach your singleness is equally important. God can teach you so much during this time: about who you are, your gifts, your purpose, your quirks, the things He loves about you, and even areas where you might need to grow. He can also guide you in choosing a spouse when the time comes, ensuring that you do not select a partner from a broken mindset.

We often fight to move into the next season of our lives, only to look back and regret how we handled the previous one. God has shown me that I still have time to learn and grow. When I do get married, I want to reflect on my time as a single person with gratitude, without wishing to relive it.

Final Thoughts:

God does not take His children lightly. I always knew this, but now I truly believe it. Regardless of the season we are in, He cares deeply for us. His love for His children is so profound that every part of our journey is intentional and works for our good (Romans 8:28).

But the charge is not only to believe it, but to act like it.

Act in accordance with your identity, standing firm no matter what. Act this way when life is good and when it’s challenging. Act this way when God says “yes” and when He says “no.”

Believe in who He said you are. Act upon that truth.

As a beloved daughter or son (Ephesians 1:4-6).