I struggled to write this because to discuss hope, I must address grief and worries. Honestly, I’ve experienced my fair share of both.
Loss of opportunities I genuinely believed God was calling me to, loss of people with whom I thought I had more time, loss of desires that were so close to fulfillment, and loss of myself during certain seasons.
There are days when I feel fine, as if I am finally healed, and the tension in my soul has been resolved. Yet every now and then, my heart still remembers.
A season, day, or maybe even just a brief moment that feels oddly familiar.
And I asked God, “Why am I still thinking about this? Why am I still talking to Him about it? Why am I still writing about it? When will I feel normal about these circumstances again? When will I no longer be affected by them?”
When can I finally stop questioning whether my sudden offense or sadness stems from the current situation or from a past one that I am still mourning?
When can the effects of grief finally be over?
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A day like this happened recently. I remembered a situation that made me feel defeated. Something that I tried to forget, but my body somehow still kept score. It was triggered by a phase, no, a word, no, a look. Honestly, I don’t know what it was. All I know is my body didn’t like it. It didn’t like confronting what the feeling represented.
When I experience negative emotions, I often feel tempted to let the Enemy win. To cope and numb myself with inappropriate dopamine hits, anger, shifting blame, reclusion, or even outright denial.
But conviction tells me this isn’t the way. These things may feel good in the moment, but it’s only a temporary “solution”. It helps me get over life’s potholes but never fills them.
Do I lack faith because I don’t feel good all of the time?
The answer is no.
While situations may not change physically in the moment, I learned after 32 years of life that they can shift spiritually if you allow yourself to grieve with God.
Grief and worries are a part of life, but they don’t have to be faced alone.
Doing anything with God takes ultimate trust, because spiritual comfort does not always mean immediate physical relief. It usually entails confronting whatever is in your heart that is blocking the freedom God wants to give.
With the most recent trigger, the first thing God told me to do was forgive.
Forgive Him.
If there is any resentment in my heart regarding His sovereignty, I need to address it. I understand that God doesn’t require our forgiveness; the Creator does not need to be forgiven by the creation. However, He offers this opportunity as an olive branch to protect our relationship—a chance to reconcile any fractures that the Enemy might exploit.
Forgive myself.
I need to acknowledge anything I believe I could have done differently—any mistakes that are haunting me, any events from the day replaying in my mind. The Enemy tells me I am to blame for everything that happened. It’s my fault that these things occurred. I should have been more present. I should have stood up for myself. I should have kept quiet. I shouldn’t have sought the opportunity in the first place.
I should have….
Do…not….condemn yourself.
I needed to sit with those words.
Do not condemn yourself, for you are already forgiven and you are redeemed.
Forgive others.
One thing I’ve learned over the years is how powerful a stronghold of offense and unforgiveness can be. Almost every time I was grieving something, the Enemy would often plant seeds in this way. Whether I was grieving a person, a place, or a thing, the people around me often started to appear more like my enemies than my confidants. My discernment is off. My point of view is skewed. Things that aren’t that big of a deal when I look back on them in sobriety felt so large in the moment. Things that felt dangerous were actually safe and vice versa.
It’s interesting how human nature often compels us to cling to things that cause us significant spiritual pain. Perhaps this instinct is a form of self-preservation. We tend to focus more on the physical aspects of life than on our soul and spirit. The Enemy has convinced us that this behavior is the best way to “protect” ourselves. In reality, it conditions our minds to remain trapped in the same cycle indefinitely. We believe that holding on to unforgiveness will provide us with protection, but in truth, it only means that our hope is toward the offense continuing.
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Hope
Hebrew:
- yachal
- tiqvah
Worldly hope and biblical hope are two different concepts. Hope in the world is wishful thinking. A descriptor of what I want to be true.
I hope things will change.
I hope to be seen or heard.
I hope God hasn’t forgotten about me.
In Hebrew, the concept of hope is more than just a figurative expression. It encompasses two meanings: one word signifies waiting, while the other refers to a literal rope. This imagery not only conveys a feeling but also serves as encouragement to hold on to a cord that is anchored to a solid foundation as you anticipate a desired outcome.
Hope doesn’t rely on a circumstance; it relies on God. So it’s not relative to what we see. It’s 100% sure of what (and who) we know.
Sometimes the cord is long. I am not going to deny that. Sometimes it feels as though it’s stretching from one side of the world to the other, extending farther than what our eyes can see. Sometimes, the rope will tug and pull based on the seasons we encounter.
Sometimes, the Devil will threaten to cut the rope.
However, no one has the power to cut the cord. For God is on the other end. He is the assurance of what we hope for. He is the one who fastened it together.
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1 NIV
So when trouble arises. When worries come. When the mourning season begins. When my flesh tries to remember the pain. I know to tighten my grip around the rope again. Even if my hands are saturated with teardrops.
To revisit the promises God has already guaranteed.
And here are just a few things God promised.
Ephesians 1
I am adopted in Christ, meaning that I was personally and purposefully chosen by God to be His child. He has plans for me and a will for my life. The beauty of His will is that it works for my good. His will takes into account both my personal desires and His, perfectly harmonizing them in a way beyond my own understanding.
In Him, I am redeemed and forgiven by His grace. This means that all the Enemy’s lies are truly null and void; he has no power over my life. He may try, but he cannot succeed because I belong to God. The authority within me, through the Holy Spirit, is greater than that of the Enemy, so why should I fear or tremble when those lies come?
I have an inheritance waiting for me. It’s okay to have earthly desires, as God can bless us on Earth as an extension of His will. However, nothing compares to what awaits us in the future. He has given each of His children a down payment of the Holy Spirit to assure us that the full investment is on the way.
This material is what our cord of hope is made from; substances that will endure for eternity.
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 NIV
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